March 11, 2007

5 years ago today, I lost you, my sweet Nikki.

I woke up this morning and remembered what today was.  I decided that it wasn't going to be a day of sadness, but a day in which I would remember things from your life, something I really haven't allowed myself to do since you left.  Things about you that gave me joy and made me smile.  So instead of a day of mourning, it would be a day of remembering your life and taking some time for the furkids that I have with me.  I realized today that there will be time to grieve for them when they are gone, now is the time to be happy they are with me and to enjoy every day with them.

I remembered you racing around and around in circles.  I remembered you liking to go on drives with me and sticking your head out the window.  I remembered your stuffed bunny and how I would laugh when you played with it.  I remembered your cuddles, you're always wanting to be with me.  I remembered how you liked to crawl under the covers on the bed, right down by the foot of the bed.  I remembered you doing that when we went camping one time and you getting your head stuck in the hole at the bottom of the sleeping bags.  I remembered how you always greeted everyone with a wagging tail.  I remembered how you would lie down with your legs out behind you.  I remembered how you would rub against the couch, and the funny sounds you made while doing that.  Most of all Nikki, I remember your utter devotion to me.  While you loved other people, you were always mine.  That, Nikki, is what I miss the most about you.

Nikki, I will always miss you, I will always wish you were here with me.  I know some day I will see you again.  I know you had a hand (paw) in bringing Sammy and Pouncer into my life.

I love you Nikki, now and forever.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

The Dance by Garth Brooks

March 11, 2003

It's been a year, my sweet Nikki.  I still miss you as much now as I did when you first left me.  I know you are in a better place now, happy and whole and healthy.  I know you are being well cared for, after all you are with  your Creator.  I can just see you there trying to boss all the big dogs around.  You were so little, but had the heart of a doberman.

As I sit here typing this, I think of all the things that happened the last day we were together.  How I took you to the horses with me, but you were so sick, all you wanted to do was be at home.  I think of how in your last few moments, you wanted to be with me, how you asked to come up on the couch with me.  I think of holding you in my lap while you breathed your last.  Nikki, I didn't want to lose you, but if I had to, it was the way I wanted it to be.  I'm so very glad God took the choice out of my hands, and took you the way He did.  It will be the most bittersweet memory of my life.  The gift He gave me later on that evening brought me a great deal of comfort. Seeing you in His arms, and knowing you are ok has helped me so much.

Nikki, losing you broke my heart, but I've slowly managed to put the pieces back together.  I will always miss you, and will always honor this day.  No one or nothing can ever replace you. The pain and grief has eased, but love lasts forever, and I will always love you.

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Your illness and then death helped me find a place where I have made many new friends.  Some of them have lost furbabies recently, some not so recently.  A couple of them lost their furbabies the same time I lost you.  Some of them have had multple losses in a short period of time.  The thing that brings us all together is the love of our furbabies. Rainbows Bridge

Duckie, Toons, Leta, Nor and Becki, thank you for being there. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder when I needed to, and thanks for trusting me enough to cry on mine when you needed to.
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Don't grieve too long for now I'm free
I've followed the path God set for me
I ran to Him when I heard His call
I swished my tail and left it all
I could not stay another day
To smile, to love, to romp or play
Games left unplayed must stay that way
I found such peace: it made my day
My parting has left you with a void
Please feel it with remembered joy
A friendship shared, your laugh, a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too shall miss
Be not burdened with times of sorry
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life's been full, you've given so much
Your time, your love and gentle touch
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your head and share with me
God wanted me: He set me free!
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"A Loan From God"

God promised at the birth of time,
A special friend to give,
His time on earth is short, he said,
So love him while he lives.

It may be six or seven years,
Or twelve or then sixteen,
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for me?

A wagging tail and cold wet nose,
And silken velvet ears,
A heart as big as all outdoors,
To love you through the years.

His puppy ways will gladden you,
And antics bring a smile,
As guardian or friend he will,
Be loyal all the while.

He'll bring his charms to grace your life,
And though his stay be brief,
When he's gone the memories,
Are solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But lessons only a dog can teach,
I want you each to learn.

Whatever love you give to him,
Returns in triple measure,
Follow his lead and gain a life,
Brim full of simple pleasure.

Enjoy each day as it comes,
Allow your heart to guide,
Be loyal and steadfast in love,
As the dog there by your side.

Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call,
To take him back again?

I fancy each of us would say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done,
For all the joy this dog shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.

"We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.

"But shall the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand."
 
 

Author Unknown
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My beloved Nikki passed away on March 11, 2002.  She was just shy of 12 years old.  When I found out she had cancer, it devastated me.  The vet told me she might have a month or a week.  She gave me another 12 days.

Nikki came to me in August of 1990, a few months after the passing of another dog that I loved.  Nikki brought joy back into my life.  She was a 4 month old puppy and her antics made me laugh so hard.  I would take her out to a park and she would race around and around. One time she got covered with burrs when she did this... It took me hours to get all the burrs out of her fur.

The first time I saw Nikki, she was at my sisters house.  I was surprised to see this cute little ball of fur at my sisters, I thought she'd gotten a dog!! But no, this little pup had gotten out of her yard and her people were at work, so my sister was watching her till her people got home.  That little dog won my heart that day, but she belonged to someone else.  A month or so later, I decided it was time to go looking for another dog.  A guy that my ex-husband worked with had a dog to give away (a Norwegian Elkhound), so I decided to go take a look.  As soon as he opened the door to his house, I saw this little black pup, it didn't take me long to remember it was the one I saw at my sisters house.  After visiting for awhile, I asked the guy if he was going to give the pup away as well, he said he hadn't really thought about it, but he probably would.  I jumped at the chance and said I'd take her.  He wanted his boys to have one more night with her, and the next day, she came home with me.  After that, we were inseparable.

Nikki and I went almost everywhere together.  She loved going to visit "gramma and grampa", she loved my sister Susan.  When I would go to visit my family, I always asked her if she wanted to go visit gramma or Susie, and she would get so excited.

Nikki was a very special little dog.  She won the hearts of all who knew her.

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March 11, 2003

It's been a year, my sweet Nikki.  I still miss you as much now as I did when you first left me.  I know you are in a better place now, happy and whole and healthy.  I know you are being well cared for, after all you are with  your Creator.  I can just see you there trying to boss all the big dogs around.

I have your picture over my computer, but I would rather you be sleeping under my desk, like you used to do.